I Will Follow

Ok, so this post is a long time coming.  I think we are getting 'adjusted' finally as a family of 5.  Crazy going from 3 to 5.  HUGE change!!!  We have been dealing with being sick, getting adjusted, and just learning to parent 3 great boys - and man we have been busy. 

I have been pondering some things since our trip to Ethiopia this past July and then were brought back fresh in my mind on our trip in December.  God has been working in my life stretching me, growing me.  I have been trying to figure out my thoughts, and not just my thoughts, but what they mean and putting them into action.  Yesterday in church, the seniors who were graduating were honored and the worship and sermon really hit home with  me.  It  made me think and left me thinking throughout the rest of the afternoon.  'I Will Follow' was one of the songs we sung during worship.  If you haven't heard it, here it is:

The chorus:
Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Every time we sing this song in church, I am convicted.  Do I truly mean these words?  If God spoke to me and said 'Go', would I?  (This also means that Dan would have been convicted to Go as well).  Would it be as simple as when Christ came to the disciples and said 'Come, Follow Me - and I will make you fishers of men.'  Would I/we be willing to drop everything and go, regardless of what we want, regardless of how crazy it seems, regardless of how difficult it seems.  This is a picture I took when we were in Ethipia last July, and all I thought of whne we were at the fish market in Awassa was that passage of scripture where Christ was calling his disciples to follow him. 

These boys were preparing their nets for the evening catch.  They had come in from their morning trip out fishing, and then it was time for them to go through the nets, straighten them, fix anything that needed repaired, and prepare the nets for the evening catch.  Are we prepared to follow Him, to love those He loved, to serve those He served, to be His hands and feet? 

This leads me to questions such as:  Where is God leading us?  What is His desire/will for our lives?  Do we want a 'normal' life simply because it's 'normal'?  What is God's desire?  I don't want to spend my life wandering and worrying about the future, but I definitely want to be open to His will, to be willing to hear His leading, and to trust that it is His will.  I also want to be sure that I am not doing what I want to do and justifying it as being God's will.  I want to do what He wants, even if it is difficult or will cause people to look at me funny.  Because the only way to live a life that is truly fulfilling and full of joy is to live a life following the steps of Christ. 

The sermon from yesterday touched on some big points, but thoughts that it lead me to are:  Is what I am doing about God or about me?  Do the things I/we have hold us, or do we hold it, and are we willing to let it go if that is what we are called to do?  Do my words and actions match?  I don't want to just have a great talk, I want it to be lived out in my life, so I don't have to even talk.  Am I going to follow through on the things I have been convicted of, or am I just going to leave it sitting at the altar of conviction?  Does Christ have the 1st place in my life, truly?  Do I behave in a way that honors God?  Am I willing to give my life for what I truly believe?  This does not just mean am I willing to die for Christ?  This means am I willing to live a life for Him?  A life for  Him that may not look like others around me, that may seem odd to friends and even family?  Do I have the courage to do what Christ is leading me to? 

So, once again, not a whole lot of answers, but a lot of questions.  A lot of things to ponder and question about myself, how I live my life, where my priorities lie. 

This song by Casting  Crowns is another one that convicts me.  I don't want to be someone who leaves my convictions on the alter, I want to carry them with me out the door and throughout my daily life.  How about you?

I



Keeper of the Home

We went to a weekend marriage seminar at our church this weekend.  It was the Art of Marriage put out by Family Life.  It was so good!  We were definitely challenged in our marriage.  We have an overall good marriage, but there are so many ways we can grow always!  I am lacking.  Only God can fill me.  Only God can make me the woman he wants me to be, the wife he wants me to be, the mother he wants me to be, and the friend he wants me to be.  God needs to be the center.  Only if my relationship with him is a higher priority than even my relationship with my husband, will our marriage succeed.  We need to be 'vertically right' before we can be 'horizontally right'.  So, I seek to be vertically right.  To be right before a loving, just God.  I seek to study his word, spend more time in prayer, be a better wife, a better mom, a better keeper of the home!  I seek to follow His will so our lives will be complete.  Only when we die to ourself and live life fully for God can this be accomplished.  We sang this song at church this Sunday and it has  become my anthom.  I love it.  I desire to live the words out in my life.  Hold me accountable! 

So, I crashed our computer to an extent yesterday.  Not my greatest moment.  It did get me off the computer for the most part throughout the day, which was good.  I made a baby blanket/quilt.  I'm super excited about it.  We have been talking about starting up an etsy store.  We don't know what all we are going to put on it yet, we are still figuring it out, but i am excited to make things and help bring income in.  We are in the process of taking Dave Ramsey's financial peace class (for the second time).  Last night we were doing the 'dumping debt' class.  It was interesting, and thankfully, we don't have any debt other than our house.  But, $2200 per month is not much to live on for a family of three (soon to be 5).  Honestly, we have been doing it for quite a while on not much more, ($2400), so this shouldn't be much different.  I beleive the struggle for me is the fact that I feel like I am not contributing. 
I know that I am.  I know that I am doing what the Lord has called me to do, and that gives me peace in my heart, it just hasn't yet worked it's way to my logical head.  I am trying to get organized as a stay at home mom so I have time to get the house totally clean, work on some sewing projects, play with the kids, and just all in all keep up with things.  I never knew how hard it would be to stay home.  It is such a huge shift.  So, instead of being on this computer, I need to get up, and get going on my daily agenda. 
I will keep things updated on how I am doing with the whole stay at home mom thing as well as if we start an etsy store. 

Who am I?

Wow.  That is a loaded question.  As said in the side bar - I am a believer in God, a lover of God.  I am a wife, a mother, a stay at home mom.  A deep thinker.  I am smart.  I am insecure, overweight, and afraid.  There is so much that makes up who I am.
  I am the youngest of three. A mother to three (soon).  I have the most amazing husband!  He loves me through the good and bad, despite my many flaws.  He is a believer, he is kind, considerate, giving, a hard worker, a wonderful provider, handsome, strong, loving, and so many other things.  I have three boys.  2yr, 13m, and 9m.  All three adopted from Ethiopia.  My two year old is adorable, funny, loving, strong-willed, determined, and full of laughter.  He has brought so much joy to our lives in the past 20 months.  My 13 month old is still a mystery.  He is still in an orphanage in Ethiopia.  He is beautiful, full of expression.  When we met him, he was fearful, but opened up and became full of smiles and laughter.  We will see how his personality grows and develops when we get him home.  My 9 month old is also a mystery.  He is with our middle in an orphanage in Ethiopia.  He is funny.  His pictures crack us up.  When we met him, we was curious and clueless.  We can't wait to begin to parent our new two boys! 

To be honest, I am scared to death!  I am still trying to figure out how to fully parent one child.  Dan and I have spent so much time learning to be parents.  We have tons of family to watch, we have taken classes, we have read the scriptures; but we are clueless.  Every child is unique and comes with their own personalities.  In our case, they each also come with their own history.  I have yet to figure out how to productively take care of the house, myself, Mason (our oldest), provide a wonderful meal for Dan when he gets home, exercise, clean, sew, maybe bring in a little income to help out, do house projects.  It is all terrifying. It is time-management, multi-tasking, and a balancing-act all rolled into one.  It is a struggle.  I try each day to hold it together and make it look like I got something productive done! 

I just pray that those who stumble across this blog will be uplifted and encouraged.  Maybe you will feel like you are not alone in this big world;  like there is someone out there who may know exactly how you are feeling and dealing with it themselves as well.  This is for mainly for me to get out how I feel and I thank you for following my journey.